• You bring in Jim Varney (The ‘Hey Vern!’ guy) as a quality consultant
  • The first words out of your boss’s mouth are : “Back when I was in the mob. . .”
  • Your manager arranges for a series of project management classes given by a talking horse
  • All of your projects exactly fit the needs of the marketplace — as it existed in 1970.
  • Nobody in the group wants to volunteer to help build low-cost housing for the poor, but 8 out of the 10 members DO want to build a armed compound eight miles from town.
  • For a group outing, members want to take rifles and go to the top of a nearby tall building….
  • You move your team meetings to the local psychiatric hospital because six out of the nine members have rooms there anyhow.
  • Your new co-worker turns to you and says, “Hi. I am the almighty Lucifer. I’ve come to claim your immortal soul. What’s your name?”
  • Pants are optional on Tuesdays
  • You’re so tired, that you now answer the phone, “Hell.”
  • Your group’s motto: “No Requirements? No Problem!”
  • You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care.
  • Your ethics officer has all of his parole violations framed and hung in his/her cubicle
  • You’ve got so much on your mind, you’ve forgotten how to pee.
  • You sleep more at work than at home.
  • You leave for a party and instinctively bring your project binders.
  • Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
  • You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
  • Your manager claims that communication stifles individual creativity
  • Your PC has an Etch-a-Sketch logo in the bottom right corner
  • You find yourself drinking more coffee because the trips to the bathroom are the only “Quality time” that you get.
  • Dr. Kevorkian is hired as your new team-building consultant
  • “Ad Hoc” is a step up from your current processes
  • Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
  • When you speak to your manager, you notice that his ears appear to be painted on.
  • You find yourself writing down the phone number from those “Rewarding Career in trucking” commercials
  • All project plans are written in crayon
  • The Quality Policy Manual refers to your ISO-9000 Kwality System
  • Job application requires name, address, and MasterCard number
  • Your project is six months behind schedule two weeks after the kickoff meeting.
  • On the first day you’re given a can of tear gas and a bullet-proof vest
  • The wall full of diplomas in your manager’s office are all signed by Sally Struthers.
  • All projects use the current decade as a Phase number
  • Users beg you to restore the old manual processes
  • You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.